From the mouths of babes....

Again, it never comes when you expect it. Had a rough couple of weeks, and kind of put that out there yesterday on this blog. My frustration with things coming up, and only being able to talk and walk with Jesus about problems. So, what does he do....

He brings a lesson in FCA this morning that pretty much answers my problem. Practice. If you want something to be what you want it to be. Practice. In the famous words of Allen Iverson: "We talkin' bout practice!" He knows that my goal is not going to be just handed to me, and that while a relationship with him is easy to start, it is going to take practice if I want the walk with him that I crave. I have to practice. I have to be able to let him handle the things he is going to handle, and relax and trust that he will provide guidance in those. If I want to just talk to him, then I just need to talk to him. Practice being able to let go some of the stresses in my life to him and just talk to him. If I don't want that to dominate my conversations with him, then don't. Practice just having a conversation with him and not obsessing on the stress in my life that I want guidance. He will handle that... Practice enjoying time with him, and walking with him.

Today I start practicing......

Stressful times

These have been stressful days. Not only the normal everyday stress of life, but other things that have been brought into the mix as well. This is the time I find that I come to Jesus with just questions and complaints. It is like I have asked him "Why?" everyday these last two weeks. Outside of my wife's neck issue, none of them have to do with life or death. They are just added stress on life. So, this is where I feel having a closer walk with him would be better. Now, I feel pretty selfish for saying that, because really who or what would be better? Well, ME!! I would feel better about these times, and would handle situations better if I was in a close relationship with Jesus. I do feel over the last 3 weeks, that I have gotten closer to him, and that I have had conversations that I didn't think I would have with him... But it seems the more I want to just talk with him and build that strong relationship, more things come around that leave me just asking him for answers to questions. I am not looking for pity from him, or him to step in and take all the stress away.... I just want to talk.

So many times that is the way it is with friends and family. Sometimes you just want to talk and enjoy time with each other and there is always something that gets in the way. Some problem or stress that ends up taking over the time. They say the best times are not planned. I feel like that is where I am at. My first conversation that really hit me wasn't planned at the FCA breakfast. Yet, it was great. I have stated earlier that I am a routine guy, and my walk with him I don't think can be a routine. I don't think he wants to be part of a routine, he wants to be a part of my life. That is my struggle. To not just put my walk with him as a routine thing. Because if I do that I will be short changing it, and shortchanging my relationship with him.

I am working on this...

Here I am..

This is not the most enjoyable time for teachers and teachers who are also coaches. I am here at my school desk at Parent/Teacher conferences. Why you might ask is this not an enjoyable time?

It really isn't the sitting and talking with parents. I am a people person, and so having the time to put some faces to some people and interact with them is not bad at all. It isn't the time. Yes, I don't like the time away from my family and home, but this is the job I chose, so I have to live with it. The thing that really makes this unenjoyable is the expectations part, or the differing expectations. Some parents have higher expectations for their child. Some WANT higher expectations for their child. Some have lower than what I think they should have.... I know as a coach this is a tough time because you are taken away from your routine and schedule, and so are the athletes, so you wonder the effects of it. Also, I really enjoy the practice part of my coaching. If I have had a long day at school, I look forward to practice. A chance to get out and work on stuff.

Anyway, the tough part is the expectation gap and the not being able to do what you really look forward to doing during the day. So, when I sit down with the parents, I already have my mind in different areas, and then we talk about the student and child. What I see as an issue, or what I don't see as an issue, is not always the same on the other side of the conversation. You feel kind of stuck then. The reactions are all different, and you are not sure where they are going to go. Now, most times expectations are relatively the same and the conversation is right where you think it should be..... There is always that time when it isn't. Then it starts. The conversation is forced a little, and there is conflict. I haven't had really any trouble during conferences, but I have gotten some confused looks sometimes, and you just wonder.....

Do you think Jesus had things he didn't look forward too, or didn't enjoy? Did he think like that? Did he let his mind wander sometimes when he was doing something? Was he so focused on his mission, did he think in terms of enjoyment? How did he deal or approach people that didn't meet his expectations? How does he deal with it now? After the sacrifice he made for us....

Changes

Well, I think when you try any new venture, you think that it will be this eye-opening fantastic new thing that "POW" just hits you and it is all a rush. Or, it is the opposite and everything just goes south. My conversations with Jesus have not been either. Have I felt some changes or some things as I am trying to build this relationship. Yes. I have both good feelings, and some not so good feelings. I have noticed a more even thinking and a general feeling of well-being. Not many know this but I struggle with depression. I have my good days and my bad MONTHS!! I seem to be a little more even keel with that, and things are not sending me spiraling into despair or sending me into an over blown state of euphoria only to have it come crashing down. It is more of control, or a trust in Jesus that whatever is coming or I am experiencing that he has control of it as well, and is able to guide me through it. I like this. I have wanted to get off my medication for depression the last year or two, but it really hasn't gone well. Maybe this can be the very early stages of trying again. It really isn't about that being a goal or anything, I think it is just a good feeling of being in more control of my emotions, and being able to turn things to him and know that I feel closer to him and not just turning them over to a stranger to help me through a problem or control my excitement.

I think about this with the football program. I strive for this kind of confidence and maturity in the football program. To be able to control the highs and lows of a season or even a practice. To know that one great practice or game or bad practice or game will not have much bearing on the next day. That every day will bring something new with challenges, successes, or failures, and that in the end how you deal with them out weighs having them.