Poaching...

I am poaching off of a topic my friend wrote on his blog page "Prone to wander". This friend of mine is smart. Very insightful individual, and very dedicated to Christianity. He wrote about fear. He is at a point where he needs to make an important decision in his life about an aspect of his job. He is a coach and every year it seems that coaches do have to make decisions about their job.

They have to reflect on their seasons past, and decide whether or not they will continue to do what they do. Understand this is the High School level. The pay is not that of "high profile" coaches, and the time put in is after work hours. We still teach as our main job. Coaching is supplemental. However, coaching can be more stressful than any other job out there, and a lot of times requires the coach has to wear many hats within the program and dealing with the athlete and the public. We coach because of our passion to do it. So, where does fear come into this equation? Coaching can consume you.... at any level. It can come between you and your family, friends, and even yourself. It can come between you and your relationship with Jesus. Once you are consumed with something, how do you walk away from it? There is the fear. You put yourself into something and you are competitive with it, and how do you walk away from it. How do you turn it off? How do you move past it after it has become a part of who you are?

In actuality should it be who you are? What should define you? 5-10 years ago I would have said my ability to be a successful coach should define me. I have found through maturity that isn't at all what should define me. It should be a part of my identity, but not my identity...

My relationship with Jesus should be a bigger part of my identity than any job or career that I do. I will say this though my relationship with him suffers during my coaching time. As does my relationship with my family and friends. I push back the amount of time I would like to spend with Jesus. I push back the time I would like to spend with my family and friends. SO why is there fear in giving up coaching? Sounds like a no-brainer.

Well, why do I coach? Passion. Sure, I have Passion for my family and friends, and Passion for my relationship with Jesus, and I have Passion for coaching. It is not just the wins and losses and the preparation for the games that I have Passion for.... It is the teaching of things beyond the sport I have passion for..... The relationships with the players that are formed when chasing the same goals. The life lessons that are taught through competition... All these things go into why I coach, and to just not do that would be tough. Not being able to identify with some athletes I would have coached, or not being able to identify with my peers in situations would be tough to do. However, not at the expense of my faith, family and friends.... To move out of one's comfort zone is scary..... I need to work on balancing myself. Being able to not put my relationships on the back burner during coaching.....

From the mouths of babes....

Again, it never comes when you expect it. Had a rough couple of weeks, and kind of put that out there yesterday on this blog. My frustration with things coming up, and only being able to talk and walk with Jesus about problems. So, what does he do....

He brings a lesson in FCA this morning that pretty much answers my problem. Practice. If you want something to be what you want it to be. Practice. In the famous words of Allen Iverson: "We talkin' bout practice!" He knows that my goal is not going to be just handed to me, and that while a relationship with him is easy to start, it is going to take practice if I want the walk with him that I crave. I have to practice. I have to be able to let him handle the things he is going to handle, and relax and trust that he will provide guidance in those. If I want to just talk to him, then I just need to talk to him. Practice being able to let go some of the stresses in my life to him and just talk to him. If I don't want that to dominate my conversations with him, then don't. Practice just having a conversation with him and not obsessing on the stress in my life that I want guidance. He will handle that... Practice enjoying time with him, and walking with him.

Today I start practicing......

Stressful times

These have been stressful days. Not only the normal everyday stress of life, but other things that have been brought into the mix as well. This is the time I find that I come to Jesus with just questions and complaints. It is like I have asked him "Why?" everyday these last two weeks. Outside of my wife's neck issue, none of them have to do with life or death. They are just added stress on life. So, this is where I feel having a closer walk with him would be better. Now, I feel pretty selfish for saying that, because really who or what would be better? Well, ME!! I would feel better about these times, and would handle situations better if I was in a close relationship with Jesus. I do feel over the last 3 weeks, that I have gotten closer to him, and that I have had conversations that I didn't think I would have with him... But it seems the more I want to just talk with him and build that strong relationship, more things come around that leave me just asking him for answers to questions. I am not looking for pity from him, or him to step in and take all the stress away.... I just want to talk.

So many times that is the way it is with friends and family. Sometimes you just want to talk and enjoy time with each other and there is always something that gets in the way. Some problem or stress that ends up taking over the time. They say the best times are not planned. I feel like that is where I am at. My first conversation that really hit me wasn't planned at the FCA breakfast. Yet, it was great. I have stated earlier that I am a routine guy, and my walk with him I don't think can be a routine. I don't think he wants to be part of a routine, he wants to be a part of my life. That is my struggle. To not just put my walk with him as a routine thing. Because if I do that I will be short changing it, and shortchanging my relationship with him.

I am working on this...

Here I am..

This is not the most enjoyable time for teachers and teachers who are also coaches. I am here at my school desk at Parent/Teacher conferences. Why you might ask is this not an enjoyable time?

It really isn't the sitting and talking with parents. I am a people person, and so having the time to put some faces to some people and interact with them is not bad at all. It isn't the time. Yes, I don't like the time away from my family and home, but this is the job I chose, so I have to live with it. The thing that really makes this unenjoyable is the expectations part, or the differing expectations. Some parents have higher expectations for their child. Some WANT higher expectations for their child. Some have lower than what I think they should have.... I know as a coach this is a tough time because you are taken away from your routine and schedule, and so are the athletes, so you wonder the effects of it. Also, I really enjoy the practice part of my coaching. If I have had a long day at school, I look forward to practice. A chance to get out and work on stuff.

Anyway, the tough part is the expectation gap and the not being able to do what you really look forward to doing during the day. So, when I sit down with the parents, I already have my mind in different areas, and then we talk about the student and child. What I see as an issue, or what I don't see as an issue, is not always the same on the other side of the conversation. You feel kind of stuck then. The reactions are all different, and you are not sure where they are going to go. Now, most times expectations are relatively the same and the conversation is right where you think it should be..... There is always that time when it isn't. Then it starts. The conversation is forced a little, and there is conflict. I haven't had really any trouble during conferences, but I have gotten some confused looks sometimes, and you just wonder.....

Do you think Jesus had things he didn't look forward too, or didn't enjoy? Did he think like that? Did he let his mind wander sometimes when he was doing something? Was he so focused on his mission, did he think in terms of enjoyment? How did he deal or approach people that didn't meet his expectations? How does he deal with it now? After the sacrifice he made for us....

Changes

Well, I think when you try any new venture, you think that it will be this eye-opening fantastic new thing that "POW" just hits you and it is all a rush. Or, it is the opposite and everything just goes south. My conversations with Jesus have not been either. Have I felt some changes or some things as I am trying to build this relationship. Yes. I have both good feelings, and some not so good feelings. I have noticed a more even thinking and a general feeling of well-being. Not many know this but I struggle with depression. I have my good days and my bad MONTHS!! I seem to be a little more even keel with that, and things are not sending me spiraling into despair or sending me into an over blown state of euphoria only to have it come crashing down. It is more of control, or a trust in Jesus that whatever is coming or I am experiencing that he has control of it as well, and is able to guide me through it. I like this. I have wanted to get off my medication for depression the last year or two, but it really hasn't gone well. Maybe this can be the very early stages of trying again. It really isn't about that being a goal or anything, I think it is just a good feeling of being in more control of my emotions, and being able to turn things to him and know that I feel closer to him and not just turning them over to a stranger to help me through a problem or control my excitement.

I think about this with the football program. I strive for this kind of confidence and maturity in the football program. To be able to control the highs and lows of a season or even a practice. To know that one great practice or game or bad practice or game will not have much bearing on the next day. That every day will bring something new with challenges, successes, or failures, and that in the end how you deal with them out weighs having them.

Good talk

So, now I know not only does he listen, he speaks too. I think there are several ways to have a conversation with Jesus. Through meditation, reading, prayer, etc... I have been looking for those ways that will give me the best conversation with him. I am sure that each of those ways and others will allow me to have great communication with him. This weekend, I got my first response.

We had an FCA breakfast for teams at the basketball tournament in Colby. They had been looking for a speaker for sometime, and were running into road block after road block in getting people to speak. They found a speaker by the name of Gary Green. He was a football player for Kansas University, and became an ordained minister in October. As I sat down to listen to him I was amazed at the age of Gary and how well he was able to talk to this crowd of people. Then I listened.... As he talked, I heard the conversation with Jesus. Now, I am sure that I was not alone in understanding how good his message was and how important the things he was saying could help in life. I just know as he talked, I had my conversation. Jesus was talking, and I was listening. A guy who I had never met before, who was talking to a large audience..... I was getting a response to questions I had asked and thought about these last 3 or 4 weeks. I was getting advice from a friend. I was tuned in to everything he was saying. After he spoke I went down to him to thank him for coming and for his message.... Really, I just wanted to thank him for the conversation.

It's a start....

It has been a few days, since I have written on the blog. Two reasons for that. 1. It is a very busy week. 2. I needed some time to start my conversation with Jesus and see where it would lead or go.

How is the progress after 6 days? Well.... hard. I really had trouble with the starting of it. Every night I pray the Lord's prayer. I started this during my Senior year in High School. I had attended a church service in North Platte, and the sermon was on prayer. I listened and decided that every night before I fell asleep, I would say the Lord's prayer, no matter where or what is going on in my life. It is a routine. I am very much a routine guy. But that is what it has become a routine. I don't want a routine connection with Jesus. I want a friendship. On my way to school, more times than not I pass this person that is on a walk. (Unless the weather is bad etc.. ) Anyway, I wave to them everyday. At first I got no wave back, then a reluctant wave, and then a kind of "good to see you again" wave. Now, it is almost like I worry a little bit if I don't see them, and get the wave. I wonder if they are hurt, sick, or maybe they think I am a stalker!!!

Do I have a relationship with that person? Yes, a little bit. It is a very routine relationship. I don't know their name, they don't know mine. We have probably run into each other at other places throughout town, and don't know it. But, I worry if I don't see this person walking in the morning. I almost need to see this person and wave to start the day. It is almost like a reassurance that the day is running smoothly!

That is how I felt about my prayer with Jesus at night. I said the prayer, and I then went to bed. If I didn't say it at night, I felt I was missing something. It is a very routine relationship with Jesus.

I want a better relationship with Jesus then just a wave and a reassurance that everything is still running smoothly. To do that is to start more of a conversation with him rather than just pray his prayer. I started that this week. I started with the just sitting down and closing my eyes and talking to him. I have read some verses from the bible on my computer. We'll see.

There is a lot of catching up to do, and some things to clear the air about. But, it's a start.....

Coachable...

Friday I talked about expectations from myself in my spiritual life and expectations that Jesus has for me. After reading an e-mail form my Dad, and doing some thinking and pondering I have come to the conclusion, that if I want the relationship that I want, that it is going to start with me. The conversations need to start with me. Which leads me to "coachable". I have been shown, I have been taught, I have been given opportunities to have a friendship with Jesus. I have not taken any of them. Yes I am a Christian, and yes I have faith in his word, but to say I am close to Jesus would be false. It comes down to taking what I have been taught and shown and put it into action. No more letting the opportunity to start a friendship with Jesus slip by. Easy to say or write on a blog.... It comes down to work. Should a relationship with Jesus be work? I think in a way every relationship requires work. I think if anything it requires maturity. Which who knows, I might be getting to a point in my life where I have found some of that! That is being coachable. Having the maturity to take advice or an opportunity that will take some changing of me as a person and working on it. This will take time. How much? Who knows, but it is up to me to do this. To start the conversation, and to continue the dialogue with him.

Expectations

The last two entries I have talked about my problem with "expectations" and my lack of being "coachable" in my spiritual life. I feel if I am going to correct these problems I have, I need to go back and find what it is that has led me to where I am. This entry will not include much about coaching, but I have a strong feeling that as I write this stuff out, I will find a correlation with my coaching....

I want to look at the expectation part first. I know his expectations for me, or do I? I think he expects me to trust in him, have faith in him, believe that he is the son of God, study his teachings, understand that he is the truth, and he was crucified so that we may live. I would say that I live up to those expectations. I would not tell anyone any different if I was asked to describe my belief. My belief is in Christ. Now, do I live the way he wants me to live? Is that part of his expectations? Is his expectation for me to live how he would live? Does a father or mother expect their children to live how they would? To have a relationship with him, do you have to meet some sort of expectations? Maybe, he has no expectations, and just wants to meet you and walk with you? From reading the Bible, I believe that he does have expectations. I'm just not sure the spectrum of them. I know right and wrong. I know he wants right. He is there to guide you out of wrong, and help you achieve what is right. Is that it? Is he just there to guide you? Can he be a companion? Is he like a newspaper advice columnist, that you write to and get an answer? Or, is he the friend and confidant that you pour your heart to when you need advice? There is a huge difference. I think it is up to me to determine which one he is with my expectations of what I want.

Listening to Coach

As I was growing up sports were always big with me. No, I wasn't the best at them. I was average. But, I enjoyed them, competed in them, and did what I could do. Probably one of my best attributes that I thought was that I was "coachable". If the coach taught us a drill, or how to do something, I would do it until I got it right, and would continue to work on it. I was able to understand the gameplan that was put out there, and do what he wanted done. Now, I messed up a lot too, and sometimes I was not the better man in situations, so I was doing what was asked of me, but I lost more battles than I won during the particular contest. I competed, but didn't come out on top all the time. Now that I am coach I do run into athletes that I feel are "coachable" and not so "coachable".... Both types can succeed and can be competitive, but there is a difference. You want athletes that are athletic and coachable, knowing that you can have a very gifted athlete and if they are not coachable, they are going to harm the team more times than help them. even if they make the play of the game, there are times when they can be the best player for the opposing team.

In my spiritual life, I would say I am not very "coachable". There are people that have tried to lead me closer to Jesus. They tried in my youth, in my teens, in my twenties, and now that I am in my thirties, they are still trying. I thank them for that. Jesus is the coach. Why don't I listen to him more? Listen to the conversation he wants to have. Not just the answer to my problem, or the comfort in a tough time. Or, advice he gives when I have done something or said something that is probably not the appropriate thing. ( I had a great time in college!!) I am a Christian that has the faith and the belief that he is the truth. But I yearn for more. I yearn for a friendship with him..... I yearn to be more coachable....

Lost Chance...

When a Freshman, or a new student-athlete wants to join the football program, my first inclination is to make him aware of everything we do, our mission statement, when we meet, and everything that we make available to them. Then, every time I see them I make sure to take the time to say hi them or talk to them. Now, that is not any different probably than any other coach in a program. In fact, there are several coaches out there that I admire how well they relate to their players and how that strengthens their overall program. Believe me, I am a copycat. If I see something that I like I try to emulate it. The one thing that I am very weak in is the expectation part of it. I have my expectations, and I have expectations for the TEAM, during the season. I have expectations for practice time game time etc.... I don't have many expectations for the individual athlete out side of the season. Sure, I follow what they do, and try to keep contact with them, but if they miss a practice in another sport, or are not going to school during the winter months, acting up in school, etc.. If I hear about it, or see them and they tell me what is going on, I might talk to them about what is going on, and encourage them to get going in the right direction. But I don't think I have that high level of expectation for them still, as opposed to what I have for them in the season. During the season and summer, I also put the responsibility on the individual to have a high level of expectation of themselves. I leave the ball in their court on some expectations they should have for football. I tell them you have to want to be doing this to really succeed in it. And, if it is important to you, and you expect to be successful in it, then you have some sense of responsibility to make your teammates expectations go along with you. I can give many opportunities to my athletes to get better, but ultimately they have to want to get better. First, they have to be there. Second, they have to work when they are there. Third, they have to progress through the training. If one of those first two things are not happening, then the third one is hard to achieve.

I think about me in this situation with my walk with Jesus. He has expectations for me, but ultimately I have to have expectations for me. He gives the opportunities for me to have a relationship with him. How do I use them? If I were to look at the three things that I expect from the athletes in the football program and if the first two aren't there then the third one won't be what you want. Well, I would say I have faltered on the first two, and now that I sit here at age 37 I am still trying to get a closer relationship with Jesus. My progression isn't what I would have thought it would be at this time. Now, I have some questions about some things that have probably hampered the first two, but that will be a later entry....

How to start...

I talked about starting a relationship with Jesus rather than just relying on him to comfort me in trouble times, and to be there to guide me through stress and tough times. So, how do I do this? How do you start up a friendship with someone, or conversation. Rumor has it, I would talk to a wall if it was just me there! This is a true statement. I like to talk. Also, I am very much the class clown. That is good sometimes and bad for obvious reasons sometimes. How do I approach him? How do I start up a conversation? I would probably start with a joke, but how do you start with a joke that he doesn't already know the punch line too? Hey, have you heard the one about the.....

It would be tough. But, I think the biggest part would be to start the conversation. He wants to talk. He wants to start a friendship with me. He is just waiting.... He will be there to comfort me, and to help me in tough times, but he wants more. So do I, but it is a two way street. He has done more than his share, now it is time for me to do mine.

How does this relate to coaching? Every year I am going to have new athletes come into my program. I would like to have a relationship with each of those players. Each of those relationships are going to be different. Some good, some bad, some closer than others. The point is I am going to have to reach out first, then it will develop from there. After that it will be a give and take, adversity and good times. All those things are going to affect the relationship.

Jesus is my coach in this program. He has reached out and now it is my turn to develop a relationship with him.

New year... New Results?

Whether it be in my coaching profession, in my teaching, or in my life it seems that this time of year is bittersweet. Everything is out there. New semester in school, time to look at opponents for next year, and the new year always brings things to do in my life. So, the question is: "Why do I not look forward to January?". I always get a little down this time of year. When in reality, this should be the time I should start to feel refreshed. Ready to go. Everything is in front of me. Time to get a great start on things. Some of it has to do with where I am at with myself. I have never thought of myself as a real dynamo in anything. There are things I feel I do well, and things I absolutely don't do well at all. I think that this time of year I tend to concentrate on things that I need to correct, and those things only. "This year, I'm not going to do this, or I am not going to let this go, or I am going to make sure I get this corrected." I never take time to concentrate on some items that I do well, and make them perfect, or make them stronger. I need to be able to do both. One thing would be with my spiritual side. I am a Christian, and I do have faith in Jesus. I do not attend church, and I do not reach out to people about it. This may actually come as a surprise to anybody who knows me. I can be crude, rude, and curse with the best of them. Combine that with my lack of attending church, and not really reaching out to fellow Christians on fellowship, might lead many people to believe I should not consider myself Christian. I have faith in Jesus, and I do believe in what he says and his teachings. But, maybe because I will not fully put into his teachings, could be why I don't feel refreshed and ready to challenge the newness of the year ahead. How does this correlate with coaching? Well, I guess I ask the players to trust me, and learn from me, and to buy in to what I want done. Yet, I can't do that with the best " coach" life has out there.....

So am I hypocrite, or just a everyday person that needs to reconnect with my spiritual side. Instead of walking next to Jesus during my journey, always assuming he is there when I want to ask him a question or help me with a problem, but actually talk with him, and build a relationship with him....

Thanks

So, A year ago I started this blog, with the purpose to write my feelings, and get some things out there. I also started this to write some, because I like to write, but don't do it often...

Well, true to my form, I started, went a little, then gave it up. Used every excuse in the book to quit. Then , a good friend reached out, and told me about his blog. I read, and it really speaks to me. So, I am going to ride his coat tails on this and get back on this blog thing. Copy him probably, but in a good way. In a selfish way. I want to be a better me. I feel like this will help. Something has to help. So, I say thank you to that friend that reached out, about his blog, and shared with me.